How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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