I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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