Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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