the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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