Who did Billy Mays play for?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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