i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
