i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
