I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
