I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
