FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
