i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
