He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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