thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
