i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
