I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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