Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
