Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
