I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
