Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
