Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
