Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
