thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
