Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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