I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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