is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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