How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
