that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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