Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
