....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
