I love black thongs
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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