No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
