well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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