Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
