and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
