she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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