He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
