why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I supernannyed him into submission
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
