my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
