I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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