I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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