She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
