Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
