Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im six kinds of drunk right now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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