we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
