I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
