Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
