hotel room ftw
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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