Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
