Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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