Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
