I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
