I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
