YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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