I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
