I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
