i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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