from now on my penis is your penis
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
