the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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