Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
