Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
