I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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