video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize