So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize