First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
