SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
