Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
