I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
