i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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