Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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