We named our party play list daddy issues
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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