She announced her abortion via fbk
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
