Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
