"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
