I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
